JONIZZLE

Tyla! and Tampax both winning our first round playoff games. Woohoo. Next week will hopefully be filled with lots and lots of flag football, late into Tuesday night. Oohwee!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Life is about:

The people we meet.
The relationships we forge with those people.
And the love that we share.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I would like Rent to come out sooner than November 23rd.

Measure your life in love. Touche.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I told a JH camper that Erin and I were planning on going to see Rent, the camper immediatley asked me if Erin and I were dating. Haha, I knew he was going to ask that right when I said it to.

OH IF I COULD ONLY BE SO LUCKY.

ahem. haha.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so awesome. I got an A- on my Hawaii midterm, in which I did none of the readings, but efficiently studied. I did better than people that did the readings. I am so awesome. AWESOME.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you like the sectional breaks in my blog posts?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SAMURAI! or ninja...

I still don't know.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was watching the OC tonight, and they were panning up to a shot of Summer. But instead of thinking "Summer" in my head, the first word that came to mind was "Karen". Har har har.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think I might be in Chicago over Thanksgiving Break. I want to play in TPC Turkey Bowl. I want to dominate. I CALL ALL JH CAMPERS THAT HAVE HAD ME AS PD to be on my team (Sherry!). And then we will dominate the old people. And the old people need to come out...TIM HUANG AND GRANT WU ETC ETC ETC.

Ok, here's a question, would you rather be a ninja or a samurai?

Ninja's have the whole cool slick dressed in black stealth look, silent but deadly...but Samurai are just so...bad ass. And I'd have to think they might be better swordsmen, and that whole live by the sword die by the sword honor/respect mentality is pretty cool.

This is hard. It really is.

I got tagged. Twice. By different people. For different things. Oooooook.


10 YEARS AGO:
* I was 12, and the same age as most of my JH campers. I think I was relatively shy towards the staffers, but not quiet with my peers. Yea, I was basically Jason Lai/Justin Wang/Joshua Lin. Hah.

5 YEARS AGO:
* I was 17, and a high school senior, and I lived it up with school organizations and activities. I was super-outgoing then too, being friends with everyone, being Mr. High School. I wonder if that was the best or not.

1 YEAR AGO:
* I was pretty much doing the same thing I'm doing now...nothing much, other than being a year older (wiser?) and a bit more reflective.

YESTERDAY:
* I woke up at 2:00, went to a TASC event with a huge amount of free leftover food, I played football with a lot of friends there, caught the end of CFC Praise Night, and mentally came up with swing choir moves for JH 2006. I then came back to the apartment and played games. The entire day was virtually spent with Albert, Jessica, Eric, Ming, Angie, with a little bit of Alex and Karla.

SNACKS:
* Lime Tostitos
* Fiery Hot Lime Cheetos. Only found in California. Which means...GRACE CAN YOU FIND THESE FOR ME AND BRING A LOT WHEN YOU COME IN NOVEMBER!?!?
* Cheez-Its...regular or Cheddar Jack.
* Cheesecake
* deerr...I think I just like junky foods...so I'll say raw vegetables like cauliflower, carrots, celery etc...as my favorite snacks.

Actual food on the other hand would be totally different than this list.

DRINKS:
* Dasani water
* Fruit Punch Powerade
* Orange juice with lots of pulp
* Hot spiced apple cider when outside on chilly autumn evenings
* Arizona Iced Tea

5 songs I REALLY know:
* Dave Matthews Band - The Best Of What's Around
* Something Corporate - Konstantine
* Alphaville - Forever Young
* Jason Mraz - 0% Interest (the not Live at Java Joe's version)
* Jars of Clay - Worlds Apart (live). I was hesitant to put this one, because I think I could know more about it.

5 things I would do with a million dollars:
* Tithe 10% to a variety of different churches/charities.
* Donate to TAF.
* Travel the world with a few close friends.
* Buy a house somewhere...the Meditteranean? SoCal? NorCal? Springfield? St. Louis? Wrigleyville?
* Buy and Escalade and pimp my ride.

5 things i would never wear:
* A pro-China shirt.
* Flourescent little tank tops from the 80's.
* Uh...dirty crusty socks?
* Another human's skin?
* ...out my welcome, I hope?

5 favorite tv shows:
* Friends
* Sportscenter
* The Wonder Years
* Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place
* Saved by the Bell

5 bad habits:
* staying up later than Erin and Grace
* waking up later than Erin and Grace
* procrastination...well actually, I've gotten good at it. So I'll say worrying too much about other people.
* overanalyzing. same thing as worrying?
* eating when i'm bored more and more often than Erin and Grace

5 biggest joys:
* The first day of TAF when all the campers arrive and the buses are pulling up. For me, I can literally feel the excitement and anticipation and laughter and smiles in the air.
* Reading a book or watching a movie and being like, "Holy geez!" and sharing a moment of insight or enlightenment with the author.
* Music.
* Big big hugs. Not because you want to make a show of it or to hug just to hug, but to actually pull that person as close to you as possible because they are closer to your heart and mean more than they get credit for, and to somehow let them know that by sqeezing them as tight as you can. And to have them do the same thing back.
* Love. Their would be no reason for other joys if there wasn't love, right?

5 favorite toys:
* iPod. iPod iPod iPod iPod iPod iPod EYE-POD.
* a football or two baseball gloves and a baseball. Throwing a baseball or a football is how a lot of men bond.
* my now rarely used digital camera.
* my laptop with the internet.
* Legos will always be the proverbial "shit".

5 fictional characters I would date:
* KELLY KAPOWSKI
* I hope this doesn't sound weird or anything, but Summer from the OC. Calm down Karen. Her sassiness attracts me.
* Helen of Troy. I mean...she had to be pretty hot right?
* The girl from Center Stage?
* Uhh...I'm having a hard time seperating the real people from the fictional characters they play...so I'll stop.


onto the next one...

I think it's supposed to be 5 random facts?

1) I've been getting a rash on my back in the same spot for the last 3 years during the fall. I realized last year that it had something to do with wearing Under Armor during flag football games. Either I'm allergic to Under Armor or I just need to wash it more often.
2) When my family moved to a new neighboorhood on the other side of town after 3rd grade, my grandma and grandpa came to visit in the summer. I didn't go out and make new friends in the hood, so I stayed home all day, and my grandma cooked for me all day. I then gained a lot of weight, and was no longer the 3rd fastest kid at Butler Elementary :(
3) I have been a Chicago Cubs fan since I was 6 years old. It is the one thing I can identify with the longest, longer than being a Taiwanese American, an Asian American, a Christian, etc etc.
4) I can never spell, or at least I don't think, I ever spell "neccessary" or "neccessarily" correct.
5) Lastly, and I'm sure most people are the same, but I like to look back on the very first times I see people. Not neccesarily (this is how I came up with #4) meet, but see. A few:

*Justin - in the Helman Great room sitting at a round table of four in 2002. I didn't talk to him until later though.
*Traci - At an SHS football game, walking up to the bleachers.
*Erin - At shaved ice last year. Wearing one of those white skirts and an light orange top (is it weird that I rememebr that?) and thinking she looked really young.
*Grace - At ABEL Thanksgiving Dinner, walking up to share on the microphone...and then crying. Oh you wiley Grizzle.
*Angie - At TAF in 2001, for a second, when she was in JH, and Jeff talking about this "really tall girl in JH" who he saw earlier and had just walked in.
*JW - not the first time I saw him, but the first time really "befriending" him. First day of 5th grade. New school. First time on a school bus. Last stop. No empty seats near the front. Walking back. A recognized face that recognized me back. And a little 11 year old kid offering his empty seat to the nervous new kid with glasses. I owe JW a lot.


And I'm spent.


If you read this...you've been tagged.

edit:
Ok, Howa says its 5 weird habits, not facts. Um...

1) When I hear songs, I am likely to imagine how well they could be used as TAF slideshow songs.
2) I'll sometimes memorize a 7-letter word when I see it while reading to use it later in Scrabble
3) When I'm driving with my hand hanging out the window feeling the breeze, I tap my fingers in the air to the syllables of the lyrics...NOT the beat of the song.
4) I like to drink a lot of water before going to bed so I have to pee in the morning. It helps me wake up.
5) I do my best thinking at night laying in bed before I go to sleep. I think it ensures me that I was productive with my day or something, either thinking about an event I have to plan or being reflective. It works. But it also keeps me awake at night...

I just finished the USA Today crossword puzzle in like, 20 minutes. I am so awesome.

OMG!!!!

ahahahahahahahaha. Erin showd me Gizoogle!!!!

Check it out, and then check out my translated page: http://sites.gizoogle.com/?url=http://www.jonlee.blogspot.com/

"You may remember my posts on having 350-400 pages to read a week...well as you can tell, I didn't do it,"

becomes...

"You may playa mah posts on doggy stylin' 350-400 pages ta read a week...well as you can T-to-tha-izzell, I didn't do it."

What?!?! AHAHAHAHAHA!

Lucky for Grace, I planned an update today. And today was good.

I got an A in the 6-page paper that I did a lot of bs-ing on due to not reading the two books it was based on. In 5 years of college, I believe that is one thing I've gotten really good at.

I also did really well in my Hawaii class midterm. Again, I didn't do any of the reading. I just studied well and got lucky that the material was on what I studied. I was the 3rd one done. I am awesome.

And last night, I got a 10/10 on my online quiz for another class. Again, no reading done.

You may remember my posts on having 350-400 pages to read a week...well as you can tell, I didn't do it, and managed to get by. BUT on the flip side, as I was cramming for my Hawaii midterm, I skimmed the material, and it seemed really interesting. I was kind of sad that I didn't read them when I was supposed to. I think I may have enjoyed them a little. So, to all my campers reading this, DO YOU READING. Yes. I'm a great role model, haha.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After people ask what my major is (Media Studies), most people ask me what it is about. I usually just say its just communications, or give them the humorous "media studies is...the study of the media" response with a shrug and a smile. But you know, I think my major is quite important, and I feel like talking about it.

The media system in the United States is HORRIBLE. The way we American's recieve our news is unbelievably flawed. I could talk forever about the media system's faults (in the form of a 6-page paper etc), but I'll keep it short, and you can ask me more later.

- Newspapers and TV newscasts do not have freedom. They are controlled by commercial interests, by the power of money. And this money comes from advertisers. Advertisers therefore, have power over what goes into the news, and what does not, because they control the money.

- Newspapers and TV newscasts also have given in to lower standards of news coverage. Tell me what you know more about; the Laci Peterson murder trial, or what is going on in Afghanistan. It's pathetic that we as citizens don't know anything because the news media is not doing their job.

Did You Know...
Right now in the United States, we have the highest percentage of people in prison in comparison to the national population ever. EVER. In the HISTORY OF THE WORLD. MORE than Stalinist Russia and more than South Africa under apartheid. Part of why we don't know is because an abnormally large portion of inmates are of color and come from the lower 35% of income. Kinda like what Kanye said, the Media doesn't like poor people. The news we have today is tailored to the upper middle class and higher.

We have a prison crisis, but I just found out today from my teacher. Not by the news. Now how many of you knew that? Odd's are you didnt, but at the same time, I bet you know who Kato Kaelin is. Yea.

I guess my point in all of this, which is just the tip of the iceberg, is that we as active and responsible citizens, have to seek out information and truth, but it shouldnt have to be that way.

FYI: FOX News is horrible. But find out why for yourself.

Lastly, I mentioned how little we know about Afghanistan earlier. We were at war there, and we didnt know much. Imagine what it was like before 9/11. Afghanistan was probably never mentioned in the nightly news for years. But there were American journalists there, but their stories werent broadcast or printed by their editors, because they believed that the public wouldnt care and not watch, which would make advertisers lose target audiences. So the US was ignorant to everything happening there, despite documented warning signs.

So, this is not audacious to say:

Problems of media >> Based on profit >> Advertising >> Removal of foreign correspondants to save money >> Not knowing about Afghanistan in the late 90's >> September 11th, 2001.

That's an example of why the media has to change. We need to know. Our lives depend on it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I found $5 in the elevator last night. I decided to give it to one of the homeless people that are always sitting out on Green St. begging for money. Now, yes, I have reservations as to how poor they really are (I've seen one with a cell phone). And some of you might be thinking, "if I give someone like this money, they're just going to use it for alcohol or drugs."

Well you know, if I give a guy, who is homeless, $5, he can do whatever he wants with it. And that includes trying to get drunk with it. I mean c'mon, he's homeless, let's give him a break, right?

Anyways, he was really thankful when I gave it to him and he realized it was a 5 dollar bill. Hopefully he was able to get some enjoyment out of it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bought tampons for...my friend...tonight. It was funny. Some guys were standing next to the tampon aisle and saw me looking at them. And I couldn't find the right kind (Pearls) right away, so I had to sloooowly go up and down the wall of tampons to find them. And then I had to choose which pack to get. I got the multi-variety one for...variant flow. Hahaha.

Yup. I'm awesome.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have some more to say, but I will continue to formulate it in my mind and save it for a later date so Grace will be entertained.

Good day!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 DVD's for $12

I got Mumford, Mystery Alaska, and Big Trouble! All 3 are movies I really like that aren't too popular. And since I bought Big Trouble, I went ahead and got Galaxy Quest too, har har.

http://www.yungching.com.tw/promote940928v9.asp

Click on the lower left picture and you can see Steve Lin in his newest Taiwanese commercial. hahahaha.

I realized that two recent, not well known, yet really really funny movies, are Galaxy Quest and Big Trouble, both starring Tim Allen. I mean really. Refreshingly funny.

(Justin & Grace...you'll like them)
--------------------------------------------------

And looking at who's been visiting me blog the past hour...

2.18 October 03:18 Philippine Long Distance Telephone Company, Philippines
3.18 October 03:20 AT&T Broadband, United States
4.18 October 03:25 AT&T Broadband, United States
5.18 October 03:44 AT&T Broadband, United States
6.18 October 03:45 SingNet Pte Ltd, Singapore
7.18 October 03:45 British Telecommunications plc, United Kingdom
8.18 October 03:46 Chunghwa Telecom Co., Taiwan

The Phillipines, Singapore, the UK, and Taiwan? Who are you...?

Dang, I didn't know Jonizzle was international.
--------------------------------------------------

Ding ding ding!

Erin wins!

I drove back to Springfield tonight to eat dinner with my dad and sister, that was nice. Having my dad live far away (Taiwan) and come back less and less, with the prospects of him coming even less and less in the future, is kinda sad. And I miss Springfield too. Whenever I drive from/to Champaign, I never take the direct route to the highway, but the route that leads past my friend's houses and my high school. I wonder what it is about me that still makes me a sucker for high school more than others.

Speaking of high school, my dad was inquiring about my post-grad plans again. Nothing set, but hey, maybe I should actually consider being a high school teacher. People say they can see me doing that. I think I'd like it. And then the added bonus of summer vacations...that would give me time to write my screenplays (and TAF...). Yea, I started writing a screenplay this weekend. Hah. Romantic comedies seem right up my alley. And one day, a blockbuster about 228.

Anyways, while I was driving, I realized if we are what we eat, and had to describe ourselves with one type of food, then I would definitly be some sort of cheese and corn stuffed mushroom.

If you know me, you can probably figure out why. But I am actually interested to see what your guesses are, so let's see who can get this right! har har har.

- I flossed last night, My gums hurt.
- Every time I watch the swing choir, I feel as if my heart will explode in a surge of happiness out of my chest. Kinda like that cartoon Karen has.
- A visit from Howard this weekend.
- Not talking to people is STUPID. In this case, 100% pissing me off.


Annoyed. I need to go watch swing choir again.

Tampax: 68
Opponents: 9

We gave up 9 points. I'm pissed.

- Brisk autumn air is hitting the Midwest, and I, like others, am excited. Driving with the windows down is fun and all in the summer, but sometimes its too hot and muggy. In the fall though, the breeze bites back at you, and I like that. It's been cold in my room the past few nights too. Getting warm under the covers is a favorite.

- Dave Matthews Band - The Dreaming Tree, from the album Before These Crowded Streets, is my "autumn song". I listened to this album and song a lot the first fall after I got my driver's license, many many years ago (6), so it always reminds me of driving with the windows down with the cold wind biting back. Ah, memories of high school. It's a fun time kids, enjoy it. Don't let yourself get dragged down by too much. Actually that applies to all times in life. Remember that.

- Life is about the relationships we make. The good ones, the bad ones, the familial ones, the friendships, the romantic loves, the bitter dislikes, and so on and so forth. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'll work on it some more.

- I haven't seen my mom since March. That's 6 months. That is a long time now that I think about it. Sadly, I think it has been good for us. And I think just believing that is sad in it's own way. If life is about the relationships we have, then what does not having a relationship with my mom for the past 6 months mean? What does it mean for those I will not have a relationship with/to for the next 6 months? Lots of questions to think about. I sense hard answers on the horizon.

- Just what DOES it mean to be a man? And of course, how many roads must we walk down before we can call ourselves men?

- I don't like food so much right now.

- Despite talking about The Dreaming Tree earlier, I leave you with some lyrics from the next song on the album:

- I hope my life is filled with many "dare to be great" moments, and that I take full advantage of them when they are present before me. And if I take the dare, I hope I won't fall.

- I also kinda want to be Van Wilder. Ryan Reynolds might usurp Jason Lee as my dark-horse selection for favorite actor. And forreal. That man be ripped. Two Guys, a Girl, and Pizza Place needs to come onto dvd.

- Other things I want more of: discipline, wit, charm, a perceptively open heart and mind, and the ability to speak 5 or 6 other languages. And a repeat flag football championship! And how to be a better writer...

- If I won the WSOP, I'd buy a Range Rover and pimp it out. And iPods for friends. I love you my dear iPizzle.

- I hope God grants me a late growth spurt. I'd like to be 6'0 at least.

- For the past six years, Forever Young has given me the warm fuzzies every time I hear it. "Let's dance in style, let's dance for awhile, Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies..." Yea, right then at the start.

- Love?

- Yea, moments of personal greatness. I want some of that.

- Augustana was on One Tree Hill last night, VH1 today, and MTV next Tuesday for the "10 Spot Drop" where they feature Augustana music throughout commercial breaks of the Real World and that reality show. Awesome! And One Tree Hill? I think that means you've made your mark. Congratulations Jared. You and the rest of the guys are about to blow up.
- I took a midterm and was the 3rd person done. The reason I am telling you this is because I didn't really know much of what I was doing. I was quite confused as to how I was the 3rd person done. It may just be test-taking experience as a 5th year senior, or I could have missed a whole page, or actually known what I was doing. I even triple checked it all. Yea this grade will be interesting.
- 5th Year Senioritis is worse than 4th Year Senioritis.
- Yes, boys are stupid. Yes, girls, throw rocks at us. But make sure you knock us out of our misery, because girls are evil. EVIL EVIL EVIL! (ok not that evil, but stupid too. Ok fine, you're all wonderful and beautiful. Blah)
- Fu and I are going to design new tafCrush shirts this weekend. Get in line. I'll take orders soon.
- Angie Lin and I have the same jacket and shoes. We're going to be twins.
- There was one other random thing I wanted to say that was the basis for making this whole entry, but I can't remember it. How deeply tragic.
- And in case you didn't know, I'm magically delicious.


A song to get:
Mae - The Sun and the Moon

And she thinks she doesnt look like her...



---------------------------------------------------

I win:
karma attacKk: and the more i look at this me/summer picture, the more i start to think we kind of DO look similar
karma attacKk: dangit jon lee! right again

Mmm :)

Elliot's video of the JH Swing Choir this year still doesn't work, but I figured it would be nice to just listen to the audio, hear the mix, and hear the reactions of the audience to our kids performing on stage. It gave me chills to hear how our campers who worked so hard on the swing choir were able to ellicit such applause for their efforts. Pure fun. Tears of joy. It reminded me of much happier times.

Speaking of happier times, a thumbprint has been left inside of me for years, but I'll have to now keep listless. Beh.

I need to watch the whole video. Elliot, where you at?!?!

Also of note: I found the new version of Forever Young. It's pretty sweet.

Tyla!: 29
Opponents: 0

We're now outscoring our opponents 48-0. Awesome.

In related news, my hamstring is dying. Will someone please come massage it?

An interesting and fitting selection I just read in Mere Christianity:

"When you find yourself wanting to turn your children, your pupils, or even your neighbours, into people exactly like yourself, remember that God probably never meant them to be that. You and they are different organs, intended to do different things. On the other hand, when you are tempted not to bother about someone else's troubles because they are 'no business of yours', remember that though he is different from you he is part of the same organism as you. If you forget that he belongs to the same organism as yourself you will become and Individualist. If you forget that he is a different organ from you, if you want to supress differences and make people all alike, you will become a Totalitarian. But a Christian must not be either a Totalitarian or an Individualist." - C.S. Lewis.

And thanks for sharing friends.

pardon the seriousness friends.
--------------------------------------------------------

I am afraid to have discovered that I share some undesireable traits and characteristics of my mom.

I think I might immediately assume the worst out of things. I find myself focusing on the negative. And, it pisses me off that I do that.

I expect too much out of people too, as in, if I have a set notion of what a person should be/should not be doing, and they break that, then I get mad. Why? I don't know, but I REALLY don't like it. And if you are someone that I consider to be very close, or that I care about very much, the pain that sets in me can be a hundred-fold. I find, in most occassions, there to be something very wrong in that, in over-worrying and over-analyzing. Chill out Jon.

I am wondering if I am a freak too. I'm in college. And seriously, I don't understand the mentality trying to get drunk on a regular basis. It just blows my mind to want to unravel eons of evolution/creation by consuming large quantities of alcohol. Am I missing something? I really don't think so...but if 80-90% of people in college are doing it, there has got to be something about it right? I mean I've been drunk before, but in the end, what? What's the point? Why can't we all just hang out and talk and laugh with each other instead of chemically making us stupider? There has got to be more to life that getting wasted (what a desirable state to be in!...not) Or am I just being too anal? Should I lighten up a little? No, I should stay true to myself right?. But all of this leads to what came into my mind next, which is worst of all. I think, and I want to repeat this clearly so you understand why I'm messed up...is that I sometimes think those of you, who go out with the intention of getting drunk or celebrating drunkenness, you're all losers in that moment. I really do. That's hard for me to admit.

But don't worry, I think I'M A JACKASS for thinking that. Who the hell am I to think that? Why do I get this feeling of dissapointment? Why do I expect my beliefs to automatically be yours (my mom)? I recently discovered I have WAAAAAAAAAAY too much pride. I think that I am better than people, I do. But I also believe in what Socrates/Plato said, that we're all stupid, we're all nothing...or do I? I sometimes like to whisper to myself, "stay humble." Now if I have to remind myself of that, then well, I think that means I have pride issues. And not totally sure how to go about alleviating that, although admitting it is the first step.

But yea, I know I am not better than people, but I feel that I am. That's terrible. And even go ahead and compare many of those of my college compatriots who do like to venture out to the bars frequently, and compare their future prospects of jobs and wealth and close relationships to what I have, and I am totally owned by them. So in measuring success in those socially popular areas, I am far behind. What does this all mean for me? I don't think I am beyond them in depth of character or thought, so...no idea. I'm lost.

In a world of hearing "jon is awesome", "jon is the nicest guy", "he's so funny, look at his glamour shots!"...I'm...not? I'm fake? I'm immature? bitter? insecure? a drama queen? irrational? becoming my mom...?

Uh...shit.

Now the dilemna I am facing is this. I could either you know, just do what everyone else does and go all out and "party" with a drink in one hand every weekend here on out, and probably have fun. Or, I could spend my weekends trying to figure out just what the heck it is that I'm thinking, who I am, what I should do, how I should behave, what goals I should set, what I want to do in life. I feel like a waste.

Because I can't do both. I won't be in a state of mind to do the latter if I do the former. Unless I become one of those "work hard play hard" folks. Yea, that'd be impressive. But it won't be me (why not...? because I waste time. yea, I'm not as good at this whole carpe diem thing as I'd like).

Maybe the reason I am thinking this is all for something else. I'll share a rare glimpse of Christian Jon, a part of me that I usually keep quite private (which is a whole nother thing I think about, as to why I keep it so downlow). So, here's a quote from C.S. Lewis,

"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world."

Maybe, eh?

I judge people some people when I first see them. I shouldnt. I judge people after I get to know them well. I shouldnt. I continually do this. I shouldnt. I am a continually imperfect, quite crappy, sinful human being, which on top of it all, other people think I am quite awesome and smart and happy and true and pure, which makes it all worse, because I am not. So, maybe I need to pursue growing in my Christian faith a little more. Maybe that's what it will all come down to for me.

on a sidenote, I remember the youth group I attended in high school to have a very strong, zero tolerance policy on alcohol for us. Maybe that got deeply embedded into my psyche, or maybe I really just dont care to drink often. But either way, it might be a misconception that Christians shouldnt drink at all, but they can. We're just advised not to get drunk.

I need to open up my heart a little more, to everything. To accept more, in people and in Christ. I need to hope for the best, not assume the worst. I need to figure things out. I need to _________.

I'll fill in that last one later. But for now, lets go with "punch myself in the throat."


Here's to learning about yourself and hopefully, growing for the better from it.

Team Tyla: 19
Opponent: 0

You WILL remember the TYLA'S.

Flag football is back. Oh so exciting.


and on a seperate note, I think I am assigned, on average, 300-350 pages of reading a week.

...now take a guess as to how many of those pages I actually read.

Augustana is playing in Stl again in a month. I have class that night. Mmm...I want to skip class and go. No surprise there.

And then Dave Matthews is coming in November. OH YEA!

I Believe its love that's hiding here
in the shadows, in the darkness
Maybe its up to you and me to share it with the night

I played guitar all night long. My wrist and fingers hurt. Awesome :)
I also spent time reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. It's really good. Quite deep. Definitly brilliant. And I got OWNED by it. A good read for anyone, Christian or non.

Augustana

In action during "Boston".


Springfield kids: Erika, rock star Jared, and Traci

Don't be a bizzle Rita.

Stay safe Houston. I've got kids living there.

First heard of this from Wil a year or two ago. Then Erin a day or two ago. Yes.

Evil Girls (redundant)

OK, so after reviewing the syllabi (I'm going with the cactus-cacti rule) for all my classes, I aim to do only this until I am awesomer than awesome can be...because I realized I have a lot to do (a 20 page paper? what?!)

Either:
1) read for class
2) play my new guitar
3) work at my new flag football ref job
4) play flag football
5) work out
6) personal reflection/journal writing/quiet times
7) eat/shower/poop/clean/etc
8) limit the mentioned things below:
- AIM. i'll periodically sign on. I've cut this down a bit lately, and Erin says she cant leave me messages, but...I prefer to hear Erin's pretty voice (and everyone elses) over the phone than over the internet. So...yea.
- TV. Except for Sunday football...and the OC...
- Video games. waste.
- Scrabble/Literati. Sorry B and Justin. But at least I won't crush you guys anymore, puaha!
- Standard milling about and wasting time.

I've burned too many days away. Time to stop. Changes! Changes I say!

217.649.2549.

Holler at me.

Matt Wertz was awesome. And he is also a U of I alum. He wrote "Counting to 100" a mere five blocks down the street from my apartment. And another song, "Lonely Tonight," starts off with the line "Sixth & Green is the one place in November...". For those of you who have visited, thats right next to Evo. Hah. I never noticed until he talked about it.

After his set was over, most of my friends left. So I watched The Profits with Jaime...until she left. Haha. So I watched alone, but it was worth it. The Profits were pretty friggin sweet (and noticeably proud of strong sexual drives), so sweet that I was tempted to buy their album even though I have half of it downloaded already. I realized I'll have to get used to being alone anyways, if this teaching in France thing is what's in store. Maybe it is fitting then that my favorite Profits song is "Atlantic," as I ponder crossing the pond to Europe. We'll see.

But yea, their songs were good, one of the guys can freakin' belt it out, and then they did a cover of R. Kelly - Remix to Ignition + Ben E. King - Stand By Me (interesting combo) and Blackstreet - No Diggity. I like it when acoustic rock artists do covers of hip-hop songs.

Oh, and as I left, I walked up to Matt Wertz and thanked him for a great show and shook his hand. Erika, you could have taken a picture with him...too bad you were tired.

AUGUSTANA & ACCEPTANCE ON THURSDAY!

I just had a long aim conversation with Jeff. The only signifigance of telling you this is because despite sharing a bedroom wall and having both of our doors open, we still had the discussion on aim. And not in person despite the 7 feet seperating us. In our defense, I had headphones on, so I wouldnt have heard him yell at me.

I do this with Brian too.

We're...cool...


...or just sad examples of our internet generation.



ANYWHOO. Matt Wertz & The Profits this weekend. Should be good. My wisdom teeth are hurting. I think it is because I havent gotten them pulled and the top ones are already in. Like...in in. Which I hear is really bad. I need to get them pulled (thanks for reminding me C, although the oral pain today would have reminded me).

I will need someone to take care of me. I mean really. It is an unfortunate side effect to not having a home. So far, Brian looks like the one whos going to prepare yogurt and melted ice cream for me. Apparently the wait for getting teeth pulled is lengthy and you have to schedule them well in advance (attn: Christine. Make your appointment NOW for winter break). So...WHO WANTS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS OR NEW YEARS WITH ME AFTER I GET MY WISDOM TEETH OUT?!?!?!?

I'm sitting here out on my balcony, on wireless, overlooking Green St. and the University of Illinois bathed in the city light, on this beautiful cool and breezy night. And what goes through my mind?

A cutdown for Margaret.

"Ooguay is pooguay!"

My mind is random little fella.


Word.

With no classes on Monday or Friday's this semester, I think I should take more advantage of my four-day (yes, four-day) weekends. What to do what to do...

I think at the heart of everything, I am an intensly private person. Maybe everyone is like that, but I feel like I shouldnt be.

I am insecure.

I would like to not be. I think going to France would be a way to work on that. But I'm not going to lie, when I seriously consider it I freak the crap out.

Must have more testicular fortitude I suppose.

Yea.

“8. The song that is you:
Dave Matthews Band – Best of What’s Around. A lot of my life philosophy revolves around this song.”


Someone asked me about what some of those philosophies were a few days after my post, and I explained my thoughts on it. But then I was inspired to go a little deeper and do a breakdown of on the song and why I love it. In my reflections, I realized that what this song calls for is a lot to take on, so I hope it is me.

That said, this seems to be a good time to say all this. A lot of people I know seem to be going through tough times in their lives, so hopefully this can help. So, here goes.

Dave Matthews Band
“The Best of What’s Around”

I’m the type of music person that tries to figure out all the lyrics in songs. And I like to find meaning in every song I hear and to understand “the message” the artist is trying to convey. And I have obviously taken a great liking to this song. All you Dave-haters out there can’t deny. The idealistic messages of this song are inspiring and would make this world a better place, while not sounding cliché or corny.

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

One of the things that I believe to be near the heart of friendship is being able to share your troubles with each other in times of need. That’s what this first stanza means to me. A few years ago, I vividly remember talking to a friend one night. She was having a bad day after fighting with her dad. And there wasn’t much I could do, except for one thing. I simply asked her, “You need to vent?” And she did, and it made her feel better. It helps to offer an ear. I think it can be awkward for people to ask others to listen to their rants, but if you ask them to share their time with you, then it makes it easier for them to get things off their minds. And it really works. My friend, she thanked me, and I was thankful that I actively asked her to vent so I could help out.

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through

So yea. We help each other out, human to human. But if we do get down, before you get too too angry, take a step back. Have a little perspective. Odds are, if you are reading this, you have a computer. And that computer is in a house. And that house is filled with food. We have a better time that most can dream of. There is poverty in Africa, tsunamis in South Asia, and a hurricane in the southern United States. We have it SO much better than SO many people. And we have love! Friends who care who are concerned for our well-being. How dare we stay depressed and spiteful right? I think this may also be part of why I want to go to Africa and do aid work (or I could do the same down at the local homeless shelter). But yea, just remember time (and love) heals.

Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around

Keeping in mind with what I said above, yes, things hurt, we all hurt even though we have a lot to be thankful for. And I want to remind you that it’s ok to be upset, and you would be weird if you didn’t get mad at some things. It is a natural emotion. But someday, be it a day, a week, or a month, we have to move on, because as much as life can suck, life goes on. And again, this is where your family and friends (or you for them) will come in and lend their ear to you. We have to pick ourselves up and make the best of what’s around. Part of a popular quote I want to mention here that I used to see in my younger days in chain mails is, “love like you've never been hurt.” To me it means to not stay jaded, don’t be afraid, and to give it all you’ve got every time. You’re selling yourself and those who care about you short if you don’t. And if you don’t succeed, we’ll be there for each other to pick ourselves back up.

Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters

This may be my favorite line of the song and rings truest and most often to me. In my life, I have been fortunate enough to travel and be in many different places. But in that, I have realized that yea, it doesn’t matter where you are in the world, but who is with you when you are there. I remembered this quote from About A Boy. “No man can be an island.” And that is true. We all need people with and around us.

This leads me to thinking that you find your home in a person, not in a specific place. The house you grew up in is not “home” because of the roof and four walls that make the building, but it is your family that makes it home. For some of us, we feel more at home around our closest friends. TAF isn’t a home for us because we are at Manchester; TAF is a home for us because we are there with people intensely close to our hearts. Springfield was a home. I don’t know if it still is. And I know why I question that.

But yea. I want home.

And hurts not much when you're around, when you’re around

I always think about this right after I say goodbye to people I love. Nothing message-y here. It just expresses exactly how I feel after saying goodbye to loved ones in words, and great songs have a way of doing that, simply sharing in our joy or pain by expressing how we feel. That makes me love this song even more. But yea, it can physically hurt when we’re away from our favorite people, doesn’t it?

And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest

Good advice, and it is true for a lot of things. I struggle with this one though. As people, we like to stick with what we know, and what we already love (be it a job, skill, or even a member of the opposite sex). We think it is what’s meant for us, but there could be more. And maybe, maybe we are afraid that there could be something else, and that our “love” will be proven false because we might love it beyond what we know. Ah yes, to give up the things that we think are our things. It’s hard, but yea, there is more. More things we can excel at, more challenges we can conquer, more fish in the sea. Blah.

Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind's eye is
Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she's safe

Attagirl. She’s got the right perspective, the optimistic and “people are inherently good and loving” side. She’s safe, because she understands that we (and by “we” I mean us as individuals with our closest family/friends) will make the best and most of life together. Oh to be like that.

Life is short. Don’t waste it being pissed off all the time. And if you are staying pissed off, do something about it. Take action. Fight the good fight. But taking action might mean letting go…

Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around

No matter what, if in the end there isn’t a thing you can do, just brush it off and move on. In Batman Begins, the reoccurring quote is, “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” It sounds cheesy, and easy to poke fun at while speaking in a Michael Caine-esque British accent, but really, it’s a good line and it supports the message of the song. Pick yourself up. Don’t stay lying on the floor. Ain’t nothing gonna hold me down. Make the best of what’s around.

Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters, that really matters
That really matters, that really matters

You’ll notice now that “where you are” comes in third after “who you’re with” and “what you’re thinking.” Thinking? Yes, thinking. Your mentality and attitude. In many situations, how you go into them determines how good your experience will be. If you go in thinking something will be bad, odds are, it will be. But if you go in with an open mind and keep the positive outlook, you might find yourself loving it (ex: taking on a new role, doing some job, being a new camper). Sometimes, you just have to step out of your comfort zones.

And so, it doesn’t matter where this place is that you are going, but matters what is going on in your head as you walk into it. Sometimes I catch myself being negative as I’m about to do something I don’t want to do, but then I remember this, and I force myself to take a deep breath, suck it up, remember that a lot of people have it a lot worse than me, and then I am able to go do what I need to do.

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around
Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters, that really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
When you’re around

The band goes back into my favorite lines to get the message across. Quoting someone else, this song is, “a reflection of optimism in living life.” On a semi-related side note to all this, I’m usually the kind of person who looks at people as I walk by them on sidewalks or in hallways, and give a nod or a smile, a friendly acknowledgement. I think it is a nice thing to do. Smiling is contagious.

When you’re around

When she’s around. And finally…

Hey Love, hold on…

Love. The first time the song mentions the greatest of all things. From the Bible (1 Cor. 13) to Harry Potter 6 (ch. 23) to Moulin Rouge, love is strongly pointed out to be above all else. Hold on to it. Savor it. Celebrate it. Learn from it. Fight for it. Back down for it. But hold on to it, and hold on for the rollercoaster ride it can give us. And holding onto it might paradoxically mean that you have to let it go so you or it can meet again later (which is a rollercoaster)…or see if it really ever was love. But always, cherish it. And make sure it is truly from the heart, ok?

The whole last 73 seconds of the song repeats those four words over and over in harmony, and it is by far and away my most euphoric moment of musical listening, where I sing along with it and I sing so long and so hard that you get that straining feeling in your chest. Seventy-three seconds of a natural high that lifts my spirits every time.

73 seconds.

What a great song.

I believe my thoughts and feelings on this song run much deeper than I am able to say, but yea. I hope I can live up to what I think we should take from it.

But at the same time, maybe I will change. If I do, maybe it will be for the better, but I fear it could be for worse. So…pick me up if that happens. And I’ll pick you up. Because when we’re around, we’ll make the best of what’s around.

Time to post pictures up of my new living quarters for the year.

My work area with my awesome lights. Good job IKEA.



The new "wall" is more symmetrical this year.



Proudly displaying artwork from the JH calligraphy workshop this year. Wuha!



One of the premier perks of our apartment, Brian's large TV and a big living room.



And the best part, the view of Green Street from 8 stories up. Tis awesome.

Because Erin is awesome, she is buying me this.



You should buy one too.

There is too much good music in this world. And I guess in a related note, it is September 6th. That means the Augustana CD is out! Yea yea yea!

7:15am. Just finished HP 6. Sad.

Roger, Vince, and Dave will be here in a few hours. I should sleep.

love love love love love love love love.

the soundtrack of my life

1. Song you hope to hear at your wedding
1. Finley Quaye – Dice would make for a good slow dance song.
2. There must be dance music reminiscent of TAF dances like say, Temperance’s techno cover of Forever Young.
3. And as for a (the) love song, well, we’ll see.

2. Band you wish you were a part of
Dave Matthews Band, Jars of Clay, or…Augustana!

3. Song you hope not to come on during a car ride with your parents
I’ll agree with Z on Trina’s “my neck my back” song.

4. Masochistic song
Something Corporate – Konstantine. But it makes me happier more than anything else. That's probably why it's my 2nd favorite song, because I feel it. And that's what good music does right? It makes you feel.

5. Song that inspires you to be a better person
Guster – Two Points for Honesty
Desree – You Gotta Be

6. Song you tell your friends to listen to
As of this very moment, Ari Hest – Aberdeen. (Attn. Angie, Julie, etc).

7a. Song you claim you know all the words to
Jason Mraz – 0% Interest

b. Song you really know the words to, but are too embarrassed to say
Moulin Rouge – Elephant Love Melody. But I’m not really embarrassed by it.

8. The song that is you
Dave Matthews Band – Best of What’s Around. A lot of my life philosophy revolves around this song.

9. Song that you have that you think no one else in the universe has as well
The instrumental theme from that Volkswagon commercial where the guy is driving fast to make it to the wedding to tell the bride he loves her. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

10. The song that would be playing off a boombox carried by a rhesus monkey who is following you everywhere you go
The Junior High Swing Choir Mix 2005. I listened to it five times today.

11. Your oldest oldie
Um…Otis Redding – Sittin on the Dock of the Bay?

12. Song you listen to only because the person singing it is hot
I don’t know if she is hot, but she sounds hot. Merrille Brainbridge – Salty Lips.

13. Your last addition
Lifehouse – Come Back Down.

14. Your first addition
No idea. But I’m listening to Vertical Horizon right now, and I know I had their mp3’s long ago.

15. Song you would sing at a karaoke bar
The Lemon Tree. I don’t know who its by. But if I was with my Springfield boys, Backstreet Boys - Everybody.

jdak;lak;lakda!!!! the whole augustana cd is on their myspace!
And acoustic videos (which are sweet) are on vh1.com!

I want an acoustic Augustana cd now...

Welcome back to the new school year. To kick it off, we showed that the State of Michigan isnt the only place that had a TAF reunion this weekend.



We had hot pot. It was awesome. No one rolls like tafCrush at the University of Illinois.

hot pot tonight. ohhhhh yea.

Hot dang. The new apartment for this year is awesome. Our view is impressive, and high high high up in the air. Come visit.

Plenty of floor space for TAFers. Wuha!

I plan on posting some pictures sometime soon.

Cleaning up some links to the left. Me's thinks I should start subscribing to xangas. Or doing that thing Wil does. Then my left side would be less crowded. But I think people like using this place as a portal...

Champaign tomorrow. Can't wait to move in Saturday morning.

I'm in Chicago at Jeff's apartment with him and Z. We just got done watching MTV's "My Super Sweet Sixteen." Those kids are tools. GIGANTIC TOOLS. I hope they untool themselves in life.

The past week has been interesting. Lots of driving (with high gas prices no less) and new beds each night. It leaves me feeling a little detached. But luckily, I know awesome people. So here is a list of awesome people.

Christine - because I stayed with her for five nights and taught me a song to play.
Erika - because I stayed with her and had a push pop.
Jill & Tyler - because of their beautiful wedding.
Angie - because she is Angie.
Steve - because he burned Mr. A-Z for me.
Alex, Jeff, & Z - because they offered me places to stay in Chicago.
Panera/St. Louis Bread Co. - because they gave me free wireless internet in St. Louis and Springfield.

I left a lot of people out, but if you're reading this, odds are, you are awesome too.

It takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust
It takes some dust to make it polished

Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
Ah la la la la la la life is full circle

TAF was good this year. TAF will be better next year. Mark my words, you're all in for a real treat.

Michigan is nice. Friendly. Inviting. I think it is because of the many friends here. Lots of love. Thank you Michigan.

Some downs though. Chatrooms can dissapoint me. Not in terms of how many people are in them, but the content in them sometimes. I wish I didnt have to regulate. But I have to sometimes. And then I get sarcastic lip back. It sucks. Being the mean one sucks.

Back to the great state of Illinois tomorrow. I'll be in Springfield for the Jill Nash - Tyler Campo wedding. Love will be in the air, and it will be lovely. I might come back up to Chicago after that since well, I don't have a home. Well, I don't have a home in terms of four walls and a roof. But I firmly believe people can find other people to be "home"s. And I have some of those. So I am lucky and blessed.

Love love love.

To all of Junior High, campers and staff, and the rest of TAF,

WUHA! For an amazing week.

Love to you all. Hope you're not feeling too lonesome.

To sum up the day:

"Nothing unusual, nothing strange. Just a little older, that's all"

But thanks for all the birthday wishes guys, it was the most I've gotten in awhile (credit: thefacebook). I didn't do anything special. I actually ate pizza alone for dinner. Hah. That sounds a lot more pitiful than it was. But I had to pack and all.

But hey, a week-long birthday party in THREE days right? Who's excited?

This old kid, right here.

for TAFers:
Manchester is currently in CENTRAL time zone.
Indiana is weird. They have THREE different time zone settings.

So next year, they're changing it. So check back again next year.

And, JH has over a half mile in streamers. 2,673 feet to be exact. hahaha...

Ah yes. Sad I missed this too whilst in Taiwan.


Congrats Beth and Jeff.

At least I have the Jill Nash - Tyler Campo wedding August 13th. If TAF would have been in its normal time, I wouldnt have been able to go. Whew.

COOLEST THING EVER!
check this article out. And then go to www.aimfight.com and fight! Ooguay and I are in the top 5%, haha. I dont know if thats sad or not. But we got OWNED by Iceqbs17.

Back in St. Louis after five days in New York City. Last night at Yulings was freegin sweet. Sweet view, good food, great friends, and exciting work done for JH. Pictures are on Hochies blog. Not to toot my own horn, but I really like the one of me and Alex with the glow of the laptop and the NYC skyline with the Empire State Building in the background. We were working on JH small groups.



And that means TAF is really coming soon. So get excited.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello from the Big Apple. It is big. Margaret's abode is abodey. That means good. Air mattress! I think all of the times I have ever slept on air mattresses, I have been exhausted and fallen asleep quite quick. So good experiences with air mattresses. Hochie (also visiting) and Margaret said my snoring was not as snorful as usual. Shrug.

This is Margaret making a guest appearance on Jon's blog. Ho Chie and I both wore earplugs so that we would sleep through Jon's snoring. [end]

Yes, it's true. My snoring reputation precedes me.

So today I was at Columbia University and I went to the bathroom. Walking up to the urinal, someone else didnt flush, so I flushed it. Good karma, because after I finished I went to wash my hands, and a pair of awesome aviator sunglasses were sitting there! AND IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR AVIATOR SUNGLASSES! I felt like I should go back and return them to a lost and found, but I dont think anyone would have come to the bathroom to look for them. And I did flush that urinal. Wuha!

Ok. Cruising the NYC streets with Alex in the Outback with the windows down and my new aviators on, is baller.

Oh, and I scored a bounty of Augustana booty last night. Argh! I'm a pirate! But yes. Concert was good, the guys are more polished. Davef LOVES them. Yes he does. You should sing "Boston" around him whenever you can. Oh, and the cd should be available on iTunes as soon as next week?

TAF TAF TAF TAF TAF TAF TAF!

Ok ok. So Live8. I was in Taiwan and flying back from Taiwan when I'm sure all the media was abuzz about it in the US. And I wasn't really able to watch it when I got back. I was able to catch rebroadcasts of it on tv though, and I saw this particularly story which may or may have not been big news? I don't really know. But yea.

On the Live8 stage in London they showed a video, that ended on the face of this girl:



Pretty much, it was a painful video to watch of starving children, and at first, like everyone else, I thought this girl was about to die. You really got the sense that this girl who could barely open her eyes or close her mouth was about to give up. What I didn't know was that this was footage from twenty years ago shown at Live Aid. Bob Geldorf then said something to the effect of, "twenty years ago, this girl had 10 minutes to live, but thanks to Live Aid, she is here with us now today." And much to my surprise, she really was there, as in, about to come onstage. Yes, I am a sucker for these stunts, but it is much needed.



Birhan Woldu her name is, and she really is strikingly pretty. But more importantly, she's healthy and graduating from college in Ethiopia now. To the supporters of Band Aid, Live Aid, Live8, and all other poverty fighters and etc, she is the manifestation of charitable work. From the brink of death to the brink of embarking on her own life with a college education. Not too bad at all.

I read some articles online, and one of them said Ms. Woldu wasn't actually saved by Live Aid and questioned what Geldorf claimed. And probably, Live Aid didn't directly feed her and save her life. BUT, it's still raising awareness and bringing us as humans one step closer. One step closer to seeing, to thinking, to caring, to actually doing. Each one is a different stop on a path that people in the industrialized world are on. And I think we need that. Most of us aren't going to see this video and then go right to helping out. But every little but helps, and the more and more we see, the closer and closer we are to actually doing something.

My post college plans are unsure. I'd like to pull a Jenny Chung and go teach in France for a year. But I also have feelings to go to Africa and help out, but I'm not determined enough to do it just yet. I'm watching The Killers on aolmusic.com and their performance at Live8. "I've got soul but I'm not a soldier..." I've got the desire to help, but I've got to do more to help.

One step closer, eh?