An interesting and fitting selection I just read in Mere Christianity:
"When you find yourself wanting to turn your children, your pupils, or even your neighbours, into people exactly like yourself, remember that God probably never meant them to be that. You and they are different organs, intended to do different things. On the other hand, when you are tempted not to bother about someone else's troubles because they are 'no business of yours', remember that though he is different from you he is part of the same organism as you. If you forget that he belongs to the same organism as yourself you will become and Individualist. If you forget that he is a different organ from you, if you want to supress differences and make people all alike, you will become a Totalitarian. But a Christian must not be either a Totalitarian or an Individualist." - C.S. Lewis.
And thanks for sharing friends.
pardon the seriousness friends.
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I am afraid to have discovered that I share some undesireable traits and characteristics of my mom.
I think I might immediately assume the worst out of things. I find myself focusing on the negative. And, it pisses me off that I do that.
I expect too much out of people too, as in, if I have a set notion of what a person should be/should not be doing, and they break that, then I get mad. Why? I don't know, but I REALLY don't like it. And if you are someone that I consider to be very close, or that I care about very much, the pain that sets in me can be a hundred-fold. I find, in most occassions, there to be something very wrong in that, in over-worrying and over-analyzing. Chill out Jon.
I am wondering if I am a freak too. I'm in college. And seriously, I don't understand the mentality trying to get drunk on a regular basis. It just blows my mind to want to unravel eons of evolution/creation by consuming large quantities of alcohol. Am I missing something? I really don't think so...but if 80-90% of people in college are doing it, there has got to be something about it right? I mean I've been drunk before, but in the end, what? What's the point? Why can't we all just hang out and talk and laugh with each other instead of chemically making us stupider? There has got to be more to life that getting wasted (what a desirable state to be in!...not) Or am I just being too anal? Should I lighten up a little? No, I should stay true to myself right?. But all of this leads to what came into my mind next, which is worst of all. I think, and I want to repeat this clearly so you understand why I'm messed up...is that I sometimes think those of you, who go out with the intention of getting drunk or celebrating drunkenness, you're all losers in that moment. I really do. That's hard for me to admit.
But don't worry, I think I'M A JACKASS for thinking that. Who the hell am I to think that? Why do I get this feeling of dissapointment? Why do I expect my beliefs to automatically be yours (my mom)? I recently discovered I have WAAAAAAAAAAY too much pride. I think that I am better than people, I do. But I also believe in what Socrates/Plato said, that we're all stupid, we're all nothing...or do I? I sometimes like to whisper to myself, "stay humble." Now if I have to remind myself of that, then well, I think that means I have pride issues. And not totally sure how to go about alleviating that, although admitting it is the first step.
But yea, I know I am not better than people, but I feel that I am. That's terrible. And even go ahead and compare many of those of my college compatriots who do like to venture out to the bars frequently, and compare their future prospects of jobs and wealth and close relationships to what I have, and I am totally owned by them. So in measuring success in those socially popular areas, I am far behind. What does this all mean for me? I don't think I am beyond them in depth of character or thought, so...no idea. I'm lost.
In a world of hearing "jon is awesome", "jon is the nicest guy", "he's so funny, look at his glamour shots!"...I'm...not? I'm fake? I'm immature? bitter? insecure? a drama queen? irrational? becoming my mom...?
Uh...shit.
Now the dilemna I am facing is this. I could either you know, just do what everyone else does and go all out and "party" with a drink in one hand every weekend here on out, and probably have fun. Or, I could spend my weekends trying to figure out just what the heck it is that I'm thinking, who I am, what I should do, how I should behave, what goals I should set, what I want to do in life. I feel like a waste.
Because I can't do both. I won't be in a state of mind to do the latter if I do the former. Unless I become one of those "work hard play hard" folks. Yea, that'd be impressive. But it won't be me (why not...? because I waste time. yea, I'm not as good at this whole carpe diem thing as I'd like).
Maybe the reason I am thinking this is all for something else. I'll share a rare glimpse of Christian Jon, a part of me that I usually keep quite private (which is a whole nother thing I think about, as to why I keep it so downlow). So, here's a quote from C.S. Lewis,
"If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that i was made for another world."
Maybe, eh?
I judge people some people when I first see them. I shouldnt. I judge people after I get to know them well. I shouldnt. I continually do this. I shouldnt. I am a continually imperfect, quite crappy, sinful human being, which on top of it all, other people think I am quite awesome and smart and happy and true and pure, which makes it all worse, because I am not. So, maybe I need to pursue growing in my Christian faith a little more. Maybe that's what it will all come down to for me.
on a sidenote, I remember the youth group I attended in high school to have a very strong, zero tolerance policy on alcohol for us. Maybe that got deeply embedded into my psyche, or maybe I really just dont care to drink often. But either way, it might be a misconception that Christians shouldnt drink at all, but they can. We're just advised not to get drunk.
I need to open up my heart a little more, to everything. To accept more, in people and in Christ. I need to hope for the best, not assume the worst. I need to figure things out. I need to _________.
I'll fill in that last one later. But for now, lets go with "punch myself in the throat."
Here's to learning about yourself and hopefully, growing for the better from it.
Team Tyla: 19
Opponent: 0
You WILL remember the TYLA'S.
Flag football is back. Oh so exciting.
and on a seperate note, I think I am assigned, on average, 300-350 pages of reading a week.
...now take a guess as to how many of those pages I actually read.
Augustana is playing in Stl again in a month. I have class that night. Mmm...I want to skip class and go. No surprise there.
And then Dave Matthews is coming in November. OH YEA!
I Believe its love that's hiding here
in the shadows, in the darkness
Maybe its up to you and me to share it with the night
I played guitar all night long. My wrist and fingers hurt. Awesome :)
I also spent time reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity. It's really good. Quite deep. Definitly brilliant. And I got OWNED by it. A good read for anyone, Christian or non.
Augustana
In action during "Boston".
Springfield kids: Erika, rock star Jared, and Traci
Good deal. Ryan, Karen, and Jeremy came. They were excited to meet them to say the least, haha. Awesome.
Don't be a bizzle Rita.
Stay safe Houston. I've got kids living there.
First heard of this from Wil a year or two ago. Then Erin a day or two ago. Yes.
Evil Girls (redundant)
OK, so after reviewing the syllabi (I'm going with the cactus-cacti rule) for all my classes, I aim to do only this until I am awesomer than awesome can be...because I realized I have a lot to do (a 20 page paper? what?!)
Either:
1) read for class
2) play my new guitar
3) work at my new flag football ref job
4) play flag football
5) work out
6) personal reflection/journal writing/quiet times
7) eat/shower/poop/clean/etc
8) limit the mentioned things below:
- AIM. i'll periodically sign on. I've cut this down a bit lately, and Erin says she cant leave me messages, but...I prefer to hear Erin's pretty voice (and everyone elses) over the phone than over the internet. So...yea.
- TV. Except for Sunday football...and the OC...
- Video games. waste.
- Scrabble/Literati. Sorry B and Justin. But at least I won't crush you guys anymore, puaha!
- Standard milling about and wasting time.
I've burned too many days away. Time to stop. Changes! Changes I say!
217.649.2549.
Holler at me.
Matt Wertz was awesome. And he is also a U of I alum. He wrote "Counting to 100" a mere five blocks down the street from my apartment. And another song, "Lonely Tonight," starts off with the line "Sixth & Green is the one place in November...". For those of you who have visited, thats right next to Evo. Hah. I never noticed until he talked about it.
After his set was over, most of my friends left. So I watched The Profits with Jaime...until she left. Haha. So I watched alone, but it was worth it. The Profits were pretty friggin sweet (and noticeably proud of strong sexual drives), so sweet that I was tempted to buy their album even though I have half of it downloaded already. I realized I'll have to get used to being alone anyways, if this teaching in France thing is what's in store. Maybe it is fitting then that my favorite Profits song is "Atlantic," as I ponder crossing the pond to Europe. We'll see.
But yea, their songs were good, one of the guys can freakin' belt it out, and then they did a cover of R. Kelly - Remix to Ignition + Ben E. King - Stand By Me (interesting combo) and Blackstreet - No Diggity. I like it when acoustic rock artists do covers of hip-hop songs.
Oh, and as I left, I walked up to Matt Wertz and thanked him for a great show and shook his hand. Erika, you could have taken a picture with him...too bad you were tired.
AUGUSTANA & ACCEPTANCE ON THURSDAY!
I just had a long aim conversation with Jeff. The only signifigance of telling you this is because despite sharing a bedroom wall and having both of our doors open, we still had the discussion on aim. And not in person despite the 7 feet seperating us. In our defense, I had headphones on, so I wouldnt have heard him yell at me.
I do this with Brian too.
We're...cool...
...or just sad examples of our internet generation.
ANYWHOO. Matt Wertz & The Profits this weekend. Should be good. My wisdom teeth are hurting. I think it is because I havent gotten them pulled and the top ones are already in. Like...in in. Which I hear is really bad. I need to get them pulled (thanks for reminding me C, although the oral pain today would have reminded me).
I will need someone to take care of me. I mean really. It is an unfortunate side effect to not having a home. So far, Brian looks like the one whos going to prepare yogurt and melted ice cream for me. Apparently the wait for getting teeth pulled is lengthy and you have to schedule them well in advance (attn: Christine. Make your appointment NOW for winter break). So...WHO WANTS TO SPEND CHRISTMAS OR NEW YEARS WITH ME AFTER I GET MY WISDOM TEETH OUT?!?!?!?
I'm sitting here out on my balcony, on wireless, overlooking Green St. and the University of Illinois bathed in the city light, on this beautiful cool and breezy night. And what goes through my mind?
A cutdown for Margaret.
"Ooguay is pooguay!"
My mind is random little fella.
Word.
With no classes on Monday or Friday's this semester, I think I should take more advantage of my four-day (yes, four-day) weekends. What to do what to do...
I think at the heart of everything, I am an intensly private person. Maybe everyone is like that, but I feel like I shouldnt be.
I am insecure.
I would like to not be. I think going to France would be a way to work on that. But I'm not going to lie, when I seriously consider it I freak the crap out.
Must have more testicular fortitude I suppose.
Yea.
“8. The song that is you:
Dave Matthews Band – Best of What’s Around. A lot of my life philosophy revolves around this song.”
Someone asked me about what some of those philosophies were a few days after my post, and I explained my thoughts on it. But then I was inspired to go a little deeper and do a breakdown of on the song and why I love it. In my reflections, I realized that what this song calls for is a lot to take on, so I hope it is me.
That said, this seems to be a good time to say all this. A lot of people I know seem to be going through tough times in their lives, so hopefully this can help. So, here goes.
Dave Matthews Band
“The Best of What’s Around”
I’m the type of music person that tries to figure out all the lyrics in songs. And I like to find meaning in every song I hear and to understand “the message” the artist is trying to convey. And I have obviously taken a great liking to this song. All you Dave-haters out there can’t deny. The idealistic messages of this song are inspiring and would make this world a better place, while not sounding cliché or corny.
Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind
One of the things that I believe to be near the heart of friendship is being able to share your troubles with each other in times of need. That’s what this first stanza means to me. A few years ago, I vividly remember talking to a friend one night. She was having a bad day after fighting with her dad. And there wasn’t much I could do, except for one thing. I simply asked her, “You need to vent?” And she did, and it made her feel better. It helps to offer an ear. I think it can be awkward for people to ask others to listen to their rants, but if you ask them to share their time with you, then it makes it easier for them to get things off their minds. And it really works. My friend, she thanked me, and I was thankful that I actively asked her to vent so I could help out.
See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
So yea. We help each other out, human to human. But if we do get down, before you get too too angry, take a step back. Have a little perspective. Odds are, if you are reading this, you have a computer. And that computer is in a house. And that house is filled with food. We have a better time that most can dream of. There is poverty in Africa, tsunamis in South Asia, and a hurricane in the southern United States. We have it SO much better than SO many people. And we have love! Friends who care who are concerned for our well-being. How dare we stay depressed and spiteful right? I think this may also be part of why I want to go to Africa and do aid work (or I could do the same down at the local homeless shelter). But yea, just remember time (and love) heals.
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around
Keeping in mind with what I said above, yes, things hurt, we all hurt even though we have a lot to be thankful for. And I want to remind you that it’s ok to be upset, and you would be weird if you didn’t get mad at some things. It is a natural emotion. But someday, be it a day, a week, or a month, we have to move on, because as much as life can suck, life goes on. And again, this is where your family and friends (or you for them) will come in and lend their ear to you. We have to pick ourselves up and make the best of what’s around. Part of a popular quote I want to mention here that I used to see in my younger days in chain mails is, “love like you've never been hurt.” To me it means to not stay jaded, don’t be afraid, and to give it all you’ve got every time. You’re selling yourself and those who care about you short if you don’t. And if you don’t succeed, we’ll be there for each other to pick ourselves back up.
Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
This may be my favorite line of the song and rings truest and most often to me. In my life, I have been fortunate enough to travel and be in many different places. But in that, I have realized that yea, it doesn’t matter where you are in the world, but who is with you when you are there. I remembered this quote from About A Boy. “No man can be an island.” And that is true. We all need people with and around us.
This leads me to thinking that you find your home in a person, not in a specific place. The house you grew up in is not “home” because of the roof and four walls that make the building, but it is your family that makes it home. For some of us, we feel more at home around our closest friends. TAF isn’t a home for us because we are at Manchester; TAF is a home for us because we are there with people intensely close to our hearts. Springfield was a home. I don’t know if it still is. And I know why I question that.
But yea. I want home.
And hurts not much when you're around, when you’re around
I always think about this right after I say goodbye to people I love. Nothing message-y here. It just expresses exactly how I feel after saying goodbye to loved ones in words, and great songs have a way of doing that, simply sharing in our joy or pain by expressing how we feel. That makes me love this song even more. But yea, it can physically hurt when we’re away from our favorite people, doesn’t it?
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest
Good advice, and it is true for a lot of things. I struggle with this one though. As people, we like to stick with what we know, and what we already love (be it a job, skill, or even a member of the opposite sex). We think it is what’s meant for us, but there could be more. And maybe, maybe we are afraid that there could be something else, and that our “love” will be proven false because we might love it beyond what we know. Ah yes, to give up the things that we think are our things. It’s hard, but yea, there is more. More things we can excel at, more challenges we can conquer, more fish in the sea. Blah.
Well she ran up into the light surprised
Her arms are open
Her mind's eye is
Seeing things from a
Better side than most can dream
On a clearer road I feel
Oh you could say she's safe
Attagirl. She’s got the right perspective, the optimistic and “people are inherently good and loving” side. She’s safe, because she understands that we (and by “we” I mean us as individuals with our closest family/friends) will make the best and most of life together. Oh to be like that.
Life is short. Don’t waste it being pissed off all the time. And if you are staying pissed off, do something about it. Take action. Fight the good fight. But taking action might mean letting go…
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around
No matter what, if in the end there isn’t a thing you can do, just brush it off and move on. In Batman Begins, the reoccurring quote is, “Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” It sounds cheesy, and easy to poke fun at while speaking in a Michael Caine-esque British accent, but really, it’s a good line and it supports the message of the song. Pick yourself up. Don’t stay lying on the floor. Ain’t nothing gonna hold me down. Make the best of what’s around.
Turns out not where but what you think
That really matters, that really matters
That really matters, that really matters
You’ll notice now that “where you are” comes in third after “who you’re with” and “what you’re thinking.” Thinking? Yes, thinking. Your mentality and attitude. In many situations, how you go into them determines how good your experience will be. If you go in thinking something will be bad, odds are, it will be. But if you go in with an open mind and keep the positive outlook, you might find yourself loving it (ex: taking on a new role, doing some job, being a new camper). Sometimes, you just have to step out of your comfort zones.
And so, it doesn’t matter where this place is that you are going, but matters what is going on in your head as you walk into it. Sometimes I catch myself being negative as I’m about to do something I don’t want to do, but then I remember this, and I force myself to take a deep breath, suck it up, remember that a lot of people have it a lot worse than me, and then I am able to go do what I need to do.
See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around
Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters, that really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
When you’re around
The band goes back into my favorite lines to get the message across. Quoting someone else, this song is, “a reflection of optimism in living life.” On a semi-related side note to all this, I’m usually the kind of person who looks at people as I walk by them on sidewalks or in hallways, and give a nod or a smile, a friendly acknowledgement. I think it is a nice thing to do. Smiling is contagious.
When you’re around
When she’s around. And finally…
Hey Love, hold on…
Love. The first time the song mentions the greatest of all things. From the Bible (1 Cor. 13) to Harry Potter 6 (ch. 23) to Moulin Rouge, love is strongly pointed out to be above all else. Hold on to it. Savor it. Celebrate it. Learn from it. Fight for it. Back down for it. But hold on to it, and hold on for the rollercoaster ride it can give us. And holding onto it might paradoxically mean that you have to let it go so you or it can meet again later (which is a rollercoaster)…or see if it really ever was love. But always, cherish it. And make sure it is truly from the heart, ok?
The whole last 73 seconds of the song repeats those four words over and over in harmony, and it is by far and away my most euphoric moment of musical listening, where I sing along with it and I sing so long and so hard that you get that straining feeling in your chest. Seventy-three seconds of a natural high that lifts my spirits every time.
73 seconds.
What a great song.
I believe my thoughts and feelings on this song run much deeper than I am able to say, but yea. I hope I can live up to what I think we should take from it.
But at the same time, maybe I will change. If I do, maybe it will be for the better, but I fear it could be for worse. So…pick me up if that happens. And I’ll pick you up. Because when we’re around, we’ll make the best of what’s around.
Time to post pictures up of my new living quarters for the year.
My work area with my awesome lights. Good job IKEA.
The new "wall" is more symmetrical this year.
Proudly displaying artwork from the JH calligraphy workshop this year. Wuha!
One of the premier perks of our apartment, Brian's large TV and a big living room.
And the best part, the view of Green Street from 8 stories up. Tis awesome.
Come visit!
Because Erin is awesome, she is buying me this.
You should buy one too.
There is too much good music in this world. And I guess in a related note, it is September 6th. That means the Augustana CD is out! Yea yea yea!
7:15am. Just finished HP 6. Sad.
Roger, Vince, and Dave will be here in a few hours. I should sleep.
love love love love love love love love.
the soundtrack of my life
1. Song you hope to hear at your wedding
1. Finley Quaye – Dice would make for a good slow dance song.
2. There must be dance music reminiscent of TAF dances like say, Temperance’s techno cover of Forever Young.
3. And as for a (the) love song, well, we’ll see.
2. Band you wish you were a part of
Dave Matthews Band, Jars of Clay, or…Augustana!
3. Song you hope not to come on during a car ride with your parents
I’ll agree with Z on Trina’s “my neck my back” song.
4. Masochistic song
Something Corporate – Konstantine. But it makes me happier more than anything else. That's probably why it's my 2nd favorite song, because I feel it. And that's what good music does right? It makes you feel.
5. Song that inspires you to be a better person
Guster – Two Points for Honesty
Desree – You Gotta Be
6. Song you tell your friends to listen to
As of this very moment, Ari Hest –
7a. Song you claim you know all the words to
Jason Mraz – 0% Interest
b. Song you really know the words to, but are too embarrassed to say
Moulin Rouge – Elephant Love Melody. But I’m not really embarrassed by it.
8. The song that is you
Dave Matthews Band – Best of What’s Around. A lot of my life philosophy revolves around this song.
9. Song that you have that you think no one else in the universe has as well
The instrumental theme from that Volkswagon commercial where the guy is driving fast to make it to the wedding to tell the bride he loves her. “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
10. The song that would be playing off a boombox carried by a rhesus monkey who is following you everywhere you go
The Junior High Swing Choir Mix 2005. I listened to it five times today.
Um…Otis Redding – Sittin on the Dock of the Bay?
I don’t know if she is hot, but she sounds hot. Merrille Brainbridge – Salty Lips.
Lifehouse – Come Back Down.
No idea. But I’m listening to Vertical Horizon right now, and I know I had their mp3’s long ago.
The Lemon Tree. I don’t know who its by. But if I was with my Springfield boys, Backstreet Boys - Everybody.
